so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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