Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
