hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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