I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
