o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
