made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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