I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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