Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
