I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
