Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
