I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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