His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
