i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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