are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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