Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
