Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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