he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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