...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
