I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
