his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
