put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
