The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's shark week go big or go home
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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