I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
