Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
