drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
