I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
