last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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