I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
