I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
