if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is wine microwaveable?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
