i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
