the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
