Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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