I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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