Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
