pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
