I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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