i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
