i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize