This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
