6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
