Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
