Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
