I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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