Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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