Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize