i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
