But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
