Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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