A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
