I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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