Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
