we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dicks are not precious.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
