Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
