My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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