Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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