i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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