Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
