i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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