so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
