When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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