im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
