if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All the doctor said was why
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
