so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
