i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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