there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
