hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
