Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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