you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
